


Its Only Because I Love You, Pal

by FantasticShaolin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Regret, Stressful, TLJ Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-22 23:24:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13177413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasticShaolin/pseuds/FantasticShaolin
Summary: "From the day I met you I knew you were special..You're strong, you're smart, and loyal. You're everything the resistance needs." You're everything /I/ need.(AKA Poe has feelings for Finn, but won't admit them out loud. Rose wakes up and even more jealousy ensues.)





	1. Stay Alive, For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Stayed up writting some angst. I'm new to Star Wars so there is probably a lot of mistakes... soo suggestions are always welcomed!!

Poe has been sat in his room, thinking about everything that has happened, for almost 2 hours now. Everything has been even more chaotic than usual lately. He was trying not to get stressed out from all this, although that proved impossible. Too much was going on inside his brain. He took a deep breath.

 

He tried to think about the good. Rey existing was good. She was a great person, not to mention she saved their asses. 

 

And Rose existing was even more good. She saved Finn's life. Although Poe felt a tinge of jealously towards the way Finn acted around her, Poe really appreciated her bravery. She did what Poe couldn't do. He cursed himself for not being there for Finn when he needed it. His own guilt quickly spiraled into anger towards Finn. Finn should have listened to Poe's order. He risked his life for some stupid suicide mission. 

 

The more he thought about Finn's idiotic disobedience the more riled up Poe became. He needed to talk to Finn. And now

He practically marched into the room he knew Finn would be. He was with Rose, as expected. She still hadn't woken up. Finn sat next to her bed holding her small hand in his. Poe gritted his teeth at this. "Finn." 

 

Finn jumped up nervously but sunk back down as soon as he realized it was just Poe. His brow looked sad, and his eyes were filled with a despair. "Hey Poe." 

 

Poe wanted to give Finn a long lecture about how irresponsible his actions were. A lecture on how much it would have hurt Poe if what he was trying to do succeeded. But Finn already looked sad enough. Poe took a seat next to him. "What's wrong buddy?" 

 

"Rose." Finn fidgeted with the sleeve of his jacket. "She could be dead because of me." Poe frowned at this, realizing the truth behind the words. Poe was honestly surprised Rose didn't die on impact. 

 

Poe didn't want to be so harsh but Finn needed to understand how much this effected him. He loved Finn. "You're right." Finns eyebrow raised at this and fell back down as his eyes began to water. "She /could/ have died." Poe took a pause. "But she didn't." Poe extended his arm to Finns shoulder to squeeze it softly. 

 

Finn didn't take much comfort in the words Poe spat out. He took notice in the slight annoyance in Poe's voice and it made him feel worse. "She should have let me do it." Finn looked away from Poe. "Maybe then I'd be remembered as something special." He sighed then added, "Maybe then I could mean something to the resistance." Poe wanted to slap Finn for the falseness he was pouring out his mouth. He squeezed Finn's shoulder harder. 

 

"Finn." Poe waited until Finn's eyes were locked with his own. "You should have followed my command." Finn's lip quivered, not realizing the extent of how much this whole situation hurt Poe.

 

"I am rebel scum, aren't I?" Finn broke, laughing hysterically. His voice cracked and quivered. Hot tears ran down Finn's beautiful face, as he stood up. "I.. I just wanted to get them back, I wanted to feel like somehow I got even with them.." Finn sobbed out. "The first order took everything from me." He chewed his lip, unable to control his words. "They ruined my life, Poe." He thought back to his childhood, how they brainwashed him. Fuck, he didn't even have a name until Poe came along. He was hardly human, just another scramble of numbers and letters sent off on suicide missions to die for the "great" Kylo Ren. 

 

Poe's heart sank at the scene before him. What the fuck had he done? "Finn." He walked towards his best friend hesitantly. He pulled Finn towards him, into a deep embrace. Finn sobbed into Poe's shoulder, quivering. Poe spoke softly. "You mean everything to me." He felt Finn's sobbing halt for a second. Poe rubbed circles in his back,a poor attempt to calm him. "From the day I met you I knew you were special..You're strong, you're smart, and loyal. You're everything the resistance needs." You're everything /I/ need.

 

Finn pulled away from Poe's shoulder and they were face to face now. Poe's breathing calmed and his sobbing slowed. Poe's heart was throbbing at how sad Finn looked. They locked eyes and stayed still for a brief second. Eventually Poe wiped Finn's tears with his sleeve. 

 

"What happened to Rose is not your fault Finn." Poe reassured, embracing Finn even tighter. "Buddy, you put yourself in a lot of danger doing what you did though." He wanted to tell Finn so many things, he wanted to tell him how lonely it be without him. How much he'd miss Finn's goofy humor, and his perfect smile. He wanted to say how throughout the whole galaxy he had never met someone who could make his heart speed up or completely break in a matter of seconds. He wanted to tell him about all the nights he thought of him, and all the times he wanted to confess the most corny of things. But he wouldn't, and he probably never would. So he settled with something simple. "And I don't know what I'd do if you hadn't survived, Finn." 

 

Finn frowned as he held Poe. "I'm sorry.." He wish he understood what Poe saw in him, he wish he could turn back time and follow simple commands. But his past got the best of him, like always. 

 

"I'm sorry too.." Poe gulped. "I shouldn't be so harsh on you... It's only because I care, pal." 

 

Finn kept his head on Poe's shoulder. They stayed that way, locked in each other's arm for a long time. Until they quickly scrambled apart once they heard a faint groaned, followed by a "Finn!" 

 

Rose was awake.


	2. Warm Honey

"Rose.." Finn let the name slip out of mouth. The simple word was spoken with so much compassion. Not to mention the way his face softened and his eyes lit up when she looked at him. Poe swore he had never seen Finn happier than in that moment. It made his heart flutter and his knees weak. Rose and Finn exchanged a long hug as Finn expressed his appreciation, and also how worried he was. Finn also wanted to tell Rose how sorry he was. He wanted to tell her how much he wished she hadn't have saved him. How he didn't want her to ever do something like that again. But this wasn't the time, Finn knew that much. She needed to rest for a week or two before getting into that conversation. 

"I'm glad you're awake Rose." Poe genuinely said, a big smile on his face. He put his hand on Roses shoulder and she shot back a smile. "Well, I'm gonna let you two catch up." Poe added before Rose could respond. He purposely bump his shoulder into Finn's as he exited, but pretended it was an accident. Any contact with Finn was meaningful. 

As Poe began to walk back to his private room he realized leaving Finn and Rose in a room alone was probably a mistake. He envisioned the two sharing a kiss, one filled with passion. One filled with a spark that Poe could never light the way Rose probably could. He chewed his lip, he could feel jealously in the pit of his stomach. It hurt, it made him want to be sick. He never wanted Rose and Finn to kiss. He never wanted them to share something so special. He realized how selfish he was being as he slumped down in the floor in front of his bed. He ran his hands through his hair, letting out a deep sigh. 

BB8 entered the room, noticeably concerned with the state of Poe. The droid beeped, moving closer towards his owner. "Nothing's wrong. Just tired." Poe said, trying not to raise any questions. The droid wasn't stupid, and already had a hunch of what this was about. He beeped more causing Poe to get a little frustrated. He decidedly to come clean though. 

"Yes. You're right, this is about Finn." The two had a drawn out conversation about Poes real feelings. This is probably the only time Poe ould put those thoughts out in the open. He knew he'd never express them out loud. Especially not to Finn. BB8 seemed to really support Poe and Finn being a thing, and offered to talk to Finn for Poe. "Please don't. It would only complicate things." The pilot smiled though, and pull his hand on the droids metal head. "Thanks anyways, buddy." 

 

******* 

 

It had been days since Poe had spoken to Finn. Poe was too busy trying to manage plans and keeping everyone calm. He wasn't sure what the first orders next move could be. Honestly, he expected the worst. 

By the end of the day he was utterly exhausted. He removed his clothes and put on some boxers and an old t-shirt and then quickly curled into bed. He slowly started to drift off until he heard a bang at the door. He jumped up so high he swear he almost hit the ceiling. Once the shock wore off he just felt frustration, who would be knocking at this hour? He groaned as he turned on the lamp and opened the door. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and came face to face with Finn. 

"Is... Is this a bad time?" Finn asked, looking at Poe from head to toe. Poe chewed his lip feeling his best friends eyes on him. 

Yes. This was a bad time. "No, no, come on in buddy." Poe smiled warmly, pulling a chair out for Finn to sit on. Once they were settled, Poe spoke first. "What can I do you for?" 

Finn smiled. "I haven't seen you in a couple days." Poe raised an eyebrow. "Thought I'd check in, see how you're holding up. I know things have been stressful." Finn had took note of the bags under Poe's eyes, and how Poe hadn't been his old witty self lately. 

Poe chuckled softly. "Nah.. I'm fine." Finn knew this was a lie, and frowned at the response. "Things have been hectic but I think I'm handling it just fine." 

"Listen." Finn's voice cooed, it was soft and warm like honey. Finn moved his chair closer to Poe, and grabbed Poe's tiny waist. "If there's anything you need to talk to me about, you can tell me." 

Poe debated what those words meant. Had Finn found out something he shouldn't have? His suspicions went straight to the droid. BB8's loud mouth. Who knows what he told Finn. He rolled his eyes, cursing to himself silently. Finns face read confusion. "Buddy." Poe sighed out, making an excessive amount of eye contact. "I don't know what you think I'm keeping from you, but I promise. I'm fine. We're fine. Everything will be fine." 

Finn's face looked suprised, almost hurt by the response. Finn pulled away from the pilot coldly and simply scoffed. BB8 clearly must have misunderstood, because Poe certainly didn't seem interested. "Alright good. I'm glad." 

This was all so confusing to Poe. He wanted to be honest but it wasn't worth the risk of messing up what him and Finn already had. Don't try and fix something that's not broken were words Poe stuck to. He scanned his mind trying to think of something to fix the awkward silence. "So how's Rose?" 

"She surprisingly is doing great. She just needs to rest up a bit more." 

Poe gave a huge grin. "That's great, I'm so glad." 

"I need to repay her somehow. She did save my life after all.... Any ideas how?" 

The pilot thought a moment, trying to think of something she'd enjoy, there wasn't really anything really that said 'thanks for saving my life.' Flowers seemed nice, but maybe it was a tinge too romantic. Poe's stomach flipped. "Well... Are.. Are you two a thing?" 

"A thing?" Finn whispered to himself, trying to grasp what Poe just asked him. "No? I don't think so?" Poe let out a sigh of relief on instinct. "Well.. Actually.. She did kiss me." Finn thought about it, wondering if that made them official. He hoped not. 

Poe's face dropped. He tried to mask it, but he knew his shock and sorrow was written all over his face. He wondered if that was Finn's first kiss. He doubted it, but it could have been quite possible. There's not really much time for romance when you're busy being trained to kill. Finn gave a concerned look,but before he could talk Poe did first. He gritted his teeth. "Did you kiss back?" 

"Yes." 

"And do you like her?" 

"Of course." Poe's heart cracked at the response until Finn added; "But only as a friend. She's great and all but hell. I haven't known her long enough to want anything more than friendship." 

Poe's mind was racing. There was too much to process. All he could manage to say was "Okay." 

The two stayed silent for a bit but eventually began small talk again. They didn't mention anything about Rose, nor feelings for the rest of the night. They talked until it was well past midnight, and only stopped when Poe passed out. Even pretty boy Finn couldn't stop Poe from getting the highly needed rest. Finn covered him up with a blanket and turned off his lamp. He pushed Poe's hair out of his face with a smile and then silently snuck out of the small room. 

**Author's Note:**

> Might add more chapters.. also hope this isnt too cheesy?? haha
> 
> Catch me on twitter @flybypoe


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